RiffTrax: The Journey: Absolution

Mario Lopez takes his dimples to space military school in The Journey: Absolution! A movie that contains no journey and even less absolution. But it does contain dialogue like this, an actual conversation in the film: "What time is it?" "9:22." "9:22, that's about what I thought." Speaking of time, the movie finds us 30 years after some sort of vague apocalypse that has led to some sort of vague future military base where Mario Lopez, Richard Grieco, and Jaime Pressly can vaguely act. One thing that isn’t vague: the movie is mostly about shirtless army guys doing shirtless things together, shirtlessly. Think the beach volleyball scene in Top Gun but with even fewer shirts. Also it turns out later that some of the shirtless guys are aliens. Or monsters from another dimension, or something. It’s not totally clear, but the important thing is, it’s exactly 9:22. This one is a lot of fun, we hope you’ll join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for The Journey: Absolution. No shirts required!